Dear Lucas

Right now mommy is sitting in a rocking chair in the NICU next to your bed. Thinking about how the last week went bringing you into this world. I'm feeling so guilty because I refused to take the pain meds the doctor prescribed me and may have brought you in a little early. The nurses and doctors have assured me that there was nothing I could do. Mommy was having a hard time breathing and was throwing up a lot when I came into the hospital. I was dialated to a 5 and they decided to keep me. My doctor had you at 38 weeks but once you were here they said about 37 weeks. What you have a lot of babies get. They said that sometimes the amniotic fluid stays in the lungs. So they had to treat you. They put you on oxygen to help you breath it out and they started antibiotics only as a precaution. Because of that you were forced to be in the NICU. It's now Wednesday and you have been in here ever since Monday morning. I promise you despite what you hear when you're older if I could have cooked you longer I would have. I am so sorry you're in here. Other than you there is no one more tortured by it then me. It is so difficult to not be able to hold you and kiss you and rock you whenever I want to. But I know this is best for you and you're going to come home healthy and happy.

I am already so amazed with you. You've had oxygen, IV, and been poked and prodded at for days. The thermometer makes you cry really hard you don't like that at all. Other than that you are so well behaved and hardly ever cry. The nurses have told me multiple times how lucky I am to have such a good baby. I promise you I already know. Kenzie and Kayden are pretty confused right now. They don't understand why you can't come home but you're out of my tummy. They love you so much already Luke. They can't wait to have you home and to be a family. Even though seeing you like this is torture for me and your dad I want you to know we love you so much. I have waited for you for a long time and feel absolutely complete. You, Kenzie, and Kayden mean everything to me. I will make it through any obstacle with you 3 by my side. I will get you through this too. When I get to take you home I will probably hardly put you down and you might get sick of me always kissing and hugging and holding you. But I only get that so long and I'm gonna enjoy it. I love you Lucas.