The Last Week!!

Wow this has been one crazy week. There's so much going on.

Earlier in the week my Grandpa died. I was really sad because I was there but I was so happy to see him out of pain. I was a lot closer with my Grandpa when I was younger than I was now. He sort of lived in the moment with the person of the moment... It's really sad but that's how I remember it. Even with not seeing him often the last 10 years when I did see him I knew he loved me. When I saw him with Kenzie and Kayden they lit him right up too. I am going to miss him. His funeral was really hard I had to see a lot of my family I've worked really hard to just stay away from to be totally honest. There is so many people in my family there's constant drama. It's never ending... There's so many different personalities and lifestyles that having Kenzie and Kayden I've just wanted to keep them away from it all. I had a few people that I was really happy to see but for the most part I was right in keeping my family away. So that was difficult. But I gotta do what's best for my family and I.

Besides the funeral.. I did get to spend some quality time with my uncle from Las Vegas and his family which was awesome. I miss them already. I got to spend much needed time with my Aunt Cindy and cousin Jessica. Which I also needed no matter what they are the part of my family that is my blood and I will forgive and forget and pick up the pieces with them anytime. I got to spend more time with my mom in the last week then I have in the last 3 months which was nice. Also I got to meet my Mom's sister Judy for the first time which was nice. So something good did come out of it all.

After the funeral... I was so sick of being sad by the end of the day and just needed to get out. So I put my kids to bed at my mom's house called Krista and begged her to go to a movie with me. It was fun to get out with her. We ended up talking until 2:30 in the morning and I'm really tired today. But I needed it bad. Talking with her about all my frustrations with seeing some people in my family and the reactions to me being pregnant and all these things that had been weighing on my mind was so helpful. She told me exactly what I needed to hear. She asked why I would want to be around people that don't support Josh and I. She said it may be hard to give them up but it's not as hard as feeling bad about myself every time I do see them. She was completely right. I realized I totally can PICK MY FAMILY. Besides Josh and my immediate family that is amazing. I have a big group of the most loving supportive "friends." "Friends" that in every way have been family to Josh and I over the years. So instead of being sad about the one's that I don't want to see and make me feel bad about myself. I'm going to be thankful for the one's that I do have that are always there.

For my friends that have been there through the announcement of this pregnancy and my grandpa dying this week, for the two that totally let me cry it out, and all the rest that were here to celebrate and cheer us up. I love you all. I appreciate you all so much.

For my longest friend... (You know who you are..) I'm so sorry for what you are going through it is so much more than I have been going through. I love you and I am hear for you when ever you're ready and what ever you need!