Makenzie and me were cleaning her room today and talking. We had a long long conversation all about school for me and friends for me. She asked me all sorts of questions. So she asked me if I missed high school. I had to think about it. I told her I miss being able to sleep a little more. Other than that no I don't miss it. I didn't really like who I was in high school. I am much more content with myself now. I've dealt with things that happened in my past and needed me to deal with them and I'm much more comfortable with who I am now. She asked me what I meant? I said sometimes when you're in school you feel like you have to be something or someone or just in life to please other people. I don't feel that any more. The closer and closer I get to THIRTY... The more and more happy I am with who I am. Makenzie said I am always myself and nice to everyone... She is already so much better than I ever was it amazes me.
Then she asked me how I deal with leaving friends? She said she's nervous that she'll have all new people except her bestie, Brynlee in her class this year. I gave her advice I got a long time ago... Hang out with the people the make you feel good and want to be better to be around. Treat everyone good and be nice to everyone. But with the people you spend most your time with that's what I choose to do.
Last question she asked me was "What if someone didn't want to be my friend?" IN MY HEAD: No one wouldn't want to be friends with my baby... Everyone is going to LOVE you.... But what I told her is Makenzie this is something you will always deal with. Mommy still deals with it now. Try to remember that no matter what you will ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS have me, Daddy, Kayden, and Lucas. NO MATTER WHAT. It's hard to tell yourself that's the only thing that matters at your age but it so is.
Later today I was thinking about this question a lot and I think it's true you really do deal with this at any age. I can't tell you the rejection I feel when I see someone has de-friended me on Facebook or they simply stop talking to me without me knowing why, or sometimes I do know why and it's so dumb it's hard to take. Talking to Josh about it. I've probably lost just as many friends as I have kept. I am so thankful for the ones that have stood with me. But the one's I've lost in high school totally my fault I was selfish and insecure and just not a good version of myself dealing with a lot. Since then though honestly I need to help myself past it. Some have been cause of religion (stupid reason to not be friends with someone), some because of lifestyle differences, some just because of spite.... The days like today where I dwell on these ones is the days I need to over come. Josh and I are truly good people. We love hanging out with a variety of people different religions and opinions are not only interesting and fun but I feel like teach my children the importance of having a variety of friends and the way they truly should be treated even when you disagree. Last thing Kenzie said to me was "Mom anyone that doesn't want to be your friend is crazy. You love a lot and are FUN!" So this is the point where I decided I have to take my own advice. In the end I'll have Josh and my kids and my mom. That's all I really need. The friends that I have I love dearly and the ones I don't well the opinion to me that matters is the one my almost SEVEN year old daughter just gave me!! So here's to me LETTING GO!! I'm hoping this is a move in the right direction for me since I've always had a hard time letting go!
Brandie!!
P.S. YES I know it's stupid that I care about Facebook!!
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